...three down...

so, after taking an extra week off from chemo, i went and had my third treatment today...started feeling sleepy and spacey around 6:30...we are well stocked with gatorade, cream of wheat, peas (for the iron), yogurt and pudding. looks like i am back on the chemo diet...hope to not lose more than 10 lbs. i will try and keep better track of the AC side effects this time.

...not just another treatment day

so, i have been so depressed with all of the side effects i have been going through over the last month. 2 days of feeling human out of 14 just doesn't seem right. i went to the cancer center today because i was supposed to have my third treatment, BUT i decided that i wasn't sure if i should...i started asking questions about my treatment...is this the right one for me? so, after having my blood work done, i talked to the NP...i let her know all my concerns, and the side effects that i have been experiencing....we have postponed my treatment until i can talk with my oncologist tomorrow, then make a plan. i figure that i will continue with treatments, but that i will get a little break so i can feel normal for a while again.....now i know why other bc patients talk about having anxiety attacks about treatment...just the thought of doing it again brings tears to my eyes.

....another day....

...it has been so long since i've written...i haven't had the energy...no will to do, well, anything. i find that i have gotten sad...really sad....my hormones have been hit hard...i cry all the time....for no real reason....i feel like shit....tired....like i am going to pass out...i can stay awake for an hour or two before i get really sleepy again...they gave me a shot at my last chemo treatment to help boost my red blood cell count since mine were dying off, in hopes of avoiding a transfusion....but i went to work yesterday for 2 hours, and by an hour and a half into it, i had almost passed out just walking back to my desk. i get scared...i have to lay around all the time...i wonder if the treatment is worth it.....what would happen if i just stop?

ok...enough of my bitching...i am ready for all of this to be over (in a good way)...i can't say that i am ready for the next treatment, because the thought of it makes me want to cry again...but, just for the record....i am not always strong or positive (like THAT isn't obvious)...when will i get past the sad part to the anger to help me push through this shit?!?!?!?! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

side effects

friday seemed fine....saturday too....until about 8:30 pm last night when i started to sleep....and just can't seem to stop. slept on and off (off being no more than 30 minutes at a time), all night and now all day today as well. then come the eye issues...i can't focus....it hurts to try and see....my head is pulsing...and now my body is all achy from all the sleeping.

i have not taken my 8 pm dose of compazine, the drug for anti nausea, in hopes that the side effects will dwindle without the nausea presenting itself. fingers crossed...

the toxic avenger takes a bride...

it is official...i am toxic....for the net three days, anyway. at 7 am this morning, i got up and applied my emla cream...went to the hospital at 8 to have the port accessed and blood done...labs came back an hour later showing that one of my five white blood cell counts was a little low, but since i wasn't having any symptoms of a cold or anything, we were to go ahead with the treatment....so, 2 hours later, i am pumped full of chemicals....out of the cancer center by noon, picking teeny up from daycare as 12:15, to the store for some supplies, and then back home for thanksgiving leftovers and (drum roll please) the shaving of my head....so, here it is:

so now, i am getting tired...i have already taken the anti nausea meds (just in case), and i am ready for some water and then a nap. i am sure i will write more later as side effects come...and go....